Let me tell you about the first time I used an Apple computer. Years of PC-inspired frustration started to melt away as I glided effortlessly through a simple, seamless and speedy OS. I browsed ferociously, recklessly, and didn’t pick up a single virus. Also, I got a raise, picked a four leaf clover, a new Beatles song was found and the heavens opened up and showered licorice flavoured jelly beans.
My friends tell me I have a problem with sarcasm. But it is still a little ironic that Mac users, at least for the first few sentences, probably assumed that I was being serious. What actually went through my head was: Where’s my right mouse button? And where the frigg do my windows keep disappearing to?
Yes, Apple Inc makes a number of seriously cool products. I have one of them, an Ipod Nano which, incidentally, is the direct cause of this post. I spent today, a flawless, sunny Saturday cleaning up jobsites. A tedious, but easy enough way to get overtime which was supposed to be made easier and even enjoyable by the half dozen audiobooks I have on my Nano. My ipod had other plans: for the second time this summer, it blithely deleted all the music I’d synced to it. So instead of listening to my latest download, Experiences in the Life of a Matrimonial Maniac, I spent 7 straight mind numbing hours picking up trash and thinking bitter thoughts about Apple and all derivative products, fan bases and delusions.
For instance: according to most Apple users, the fact that this happened is my fault. The motto of Apple may as well be, with apologies to Alexander Pope, “To err is human”. Apple products do not make mistakes. This, at least, is the impression I get when a friend patiently explains to me that, since Mac’s interface is known to be flawless, virus free and user friendly, the only possible reason for my problem is that I’m an idiot. One of the best examples of this I heard just this week. A friend was trying to use her Macbook in the glare of the afternoon sun coming through the windows. I made a joke about an Apple engineering flaw. The response was immediate – No, that’s not it, the problem is that the sun is too strong. There you have it: it isn’t an issue of the brightness and contrast settings on her screen, God just made the sun too bright.
We should support Apple because they’re the underdog? Maybe this was true at some point in history.
To most people, their computer is just a cantankerous hunk of plastic and metal that consumed an entire paycheck and which they now use to check Facebook. To Mac users, their laptop is the greatest thing on earth, better than sliced bread and the wheel combined, which consumed over 3 paychecks, and … which they now use to check Facebook. And whenever an inept and obviously computer illiterate PC user (such as I) makes a comment on this, they will defend their technology with a religious vehemence. That’s not an exaggeration: I’ve met Apple fans who made the most persistent and aggressive pair of JWs look like a UN council (one of the least resolute and convincing people groups on the planet). Am I the only one who is bothered by the amount of people who are far more passionate and articulate about defending their choice in computers than their political convictions?
Yes, Apple makes good computers and very cool music players. So do other companies, and this is probably because they use hardware from the same suppliers which is assembled by factories side by side in China. My Sony Vaio is not encased in gleaming aluminum with an apple on the front, but it has run smoothly and literally (I rarely turn it completely off) for almost two and half years. Yes, it uses Vista but the only program that consistently gives me problems is, of all things, Itunes. I also have a Creative mp3 player, which is still supplying tunes after 3 years of dropping it at least once a week while running. Granted, it has begun to die at random times, but to reset I simply throw it against the nearest convenient wall and it restarts. Other than a slight resentment towards major corporations in general, I have nothing against Apple, nor the users of. Yes, I believe you that you possess a high quality product. No, I’m sorry but you can no longer to any degree of reality claim to be an “underdog” since every third college student has one. But yes, I’m glad that it fills your life with such meaning. Just, stop telling me about it and stop being surprised when I am totally unresponsive to your dewy-eyed arguments, which always seem to climax with:
“But you can scroll with the mouse pad!”
It’s not very convincing when you’re picking up garbage with a $200 piece of aluminum in your pocket.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9ZnwvyAk8k
